THE GIANT COFFEE POT

by Mary Nudelman

It was time to plan the group Christmas
party. Earlier it had been decided that the Higginbothams
would be the hosts. As the sign-up sheet was being passed
around, I was trying to think of what we might bring that
would be easy to prepare, as well as enjoyable and
necessary. What could be simpler than bringing the coffee
pot and the coffee??!! I mentally applauded myself and
hoped that no one else was clever enough to sign up for
what seemed to me to be an uncomplicated but most important
item for a party. After the sheet reached me and
Mr. Nudelman (Billy), I happily noted that no one had
signed up for coffee. I added our name and item to be
brought and passed the list on. After the meeting I
boasted to Billy how easy it would be to just bring our
giant coffee pot and some delicious coffee to the Christmas
party. I could feel the buttons getting ready to pop off
my shirt with pride.

Suddenly the Thanksgiving holiday was upon
us, and very soon followed the date of our CFM Christmas
party. As happens fairly frequently, I had to work late
the night of the party and wasn't able to attend. So
Billy, being so wonderful and so understanding, packed up
the giant coffee pot and the Starbuck's Decaf Holiday Blend
and attended the party without me.

Since I went to sleep early on the night of
the party, and since Billy must attend his Avenue A
bonding/surfing/gossip session every Saturday morning at
7:00, we didn't really get a chance to talk about Friday
night's goings on. I did, however, receive a phone call at
about 10:00 a.m. (Billy wasn't home yet. Either the surf
was good or someone had a really good story) from
Mrs. Pearl Higginbotham who asked if she could borrow the
giant coffee pot for a party that she and her husband,
Phil, would be hosting the next week. "Sure," I said. "No
problem."

The weeks go by. We've been Kris Kringling
and have been Kris Kringled. We've been to the mall.
We've baked our cookies, decorated our tree, wrapped our
presents. We're getting ready for the big day. But
where's the giant coffee pot?

I called Pearl on a Saturday morning and
asked if she could please return the coffee-making monster,
since the holidays were beginning to snowball down around
us. My coffee-guzzling in-laws just love the giant coffee
pot. Pearl said that she would send Phil right over,
within the hour, with the giant coffee pot. She also said
that she liked the giant coffee pot so much that she had
gotten one for herself. I thanked her and went about my
Saturday morning routine.

45 minutes passed. Still no knock on the
door. Still no giant coffee pot. But it was time for a
shower. I put a note on the door: "Phil, if no one
answers, please put the giant coffee pot on the bench
outside." Simple. Easy to follow.

Clean, groomed, feeling zesty, I opened the
front door expecting to be reunited with my giant coffee
pot. The bench was empty. The note was on the door. I
walked around the front of the house. Still no giant
coffee pot.

During the day, I checked outside several
times. Still no giant coffee pot. Billy got me another
giant coffee pot to get us through the holidays.
Now it's January and time for our next CFM
meeting. This is always a favorite because there are
always some great Kris Kringling anecdotes. Luckily this
year no one was bitten by a dog, no bomb squad was called
for a package left at the wrong front door.

After our meeting, and after I had enjoyed
the required amount of chocolate desserts mandated by the
CFM Rules and Regulations, I asked Phil about the giant
coffee pot. I said that one of two things must have
happened: Either he and Pearl returned the giant coffee
pot and it was stolen off our porch, or it hadn't been
returned. Phil told me that he had returned the giant
coffee pot to my house the day that I called. Pearl had
written down our address for him, and he personally placed
the giant coffee pot on the porch. Billy asked Phil what
the house looked like where Phil left the giant coffee pot.
Phil described the house and the area. We described our
house and the area. The descriptions didn't match. Oops.
Phil left the giant coffee pot at the wrong house. We all
laughed at the story. How could Phil go to the wrong
address?!?!

In the afternoon on the day following the
meeting, Billy and I drove around the area wondering where
Phil could have left the giant coffee pot. But our
curiosity could not be quenched. The mystery was never
solved by us.

Now it's February and we're at another CFM
meeting at the Nussbaums' home. Billy and I realize as
we're driving to their house that we could have walked
over. The Nussbaums live three blocks from our house.
It's also sandwich night. I've made my sandwiches ahead of
time (I have a fear of mustard from assembly-line food
preparation. Besides, it's hard to enjoy chocolate
desserts when you're spreading mayonnaise). Lingering over
the dessert table, I noticed over in the corner, perched on
a little mirrored bar/counter, a GIANT COFFEE POT. What a
coincidence! It looked just like my giant coffee pot. I
hadn't met the Nussbaums before (they had only attended the
Christmas party so far), but I knew I liked them. After
all, we had the same tastes in giant coffee pots.
Before we all sat down, Pearl told me that
she had gotten us another giant coffee pot to replace the
one that was "misplaced." I thanked her but told her that
we had gotten another one before Christmas.
The meeting commenced. The meeting was
conducted. The meeting concluded. Time for coffee and
dessert. Time to really talk.